Kismet and on demand

Defining the divine. I do not consider myself a religious man. When asked, I define my faith as lapsed Catholic at best. My opinion on faith and destiny relies purely on how much sleep I've had that day or if I'm having any luck with women (currently the answer to both of those questions is no). But sometimes the universe surprises me. Sometimes little hints pop through my day that relieves my existential burden. Being a movie fan, it's only characteristic of my existence that these hints mostly involve movies.

The words universe, fate and God are all interchangeable in this post.

It doesn't always happen, but sometimes the universe provides me with exactly what I want and need. It's never any unimportant things like world peace or a bag full of non-sequential hundred dollar bills, but the smaller things that have so much for resonance than the bigger things. Much like, for me, the miracle of what's on television. We've all noticed it before in some respect. When we have just the exact amount of change for our food order or when we get a text message just when we need one. The world is full of coincidence, and no coincidence is ever too small to go unnoticed.

Serendipity: not just a John Cusack flick.

A month ago I was struck with the desire to watch About a Boy. Technically in chick-flick territory, About a Boy is a guilty pleasure propelled by Hugh Grant's rakish charm and a soundtrack by Badly Drawn Boy. Yes, I do own the DVD but I was too lazy to dig it out of my movie pile. Flipping through channels on my only day off that week, there it was, inexplicably on Showtime. It was just what I wanted, hand delivered to me. Even though it's just a romantic comedy, About a Boy makes you happy despite all the saccharine and cliches. A few days later I found another movie I not just wanted to see but also needed to see.

I like this movie, don't judge me.

I've always wanted to see the movie Marty. Written by the irreplaceable Paddy Chayefsky, Marty is about a butcher played by Ernest Borgnine that's unlucky in love and who has lost control of his life. Over the course of 94 minutes and a date with a mousey girl, Marty decides to take initiative and make himself happy. It's a simple yet very effective film that I've been wanted to watch for awhile and just when I needed it the most, I found it on demand under Turner Classic Movies.

TCM has always been there for me.

Marty is the kind of movie that motivates you to get out of your rut, and that's just the kind of sentiment I needed to hear at the time. More cynical people would call my outlook superstitious or immature. It takes somebody very self centered to think the stars align for them. While I can be described as self-centered a bit (one needs to be to write a blog), I can't help but smile whenever something small goes my way. Because sometimes those small things mean more than the big ones. And even something as simple as what's on television can mean a lot to somebody. That or, it saves me from having to look for the DVD.

Start of a new year and a return to the blogosphere

In today's day and age, media analyzers try awfully hard to create new words. With technology permeating our everyday lives, it's a race to come up with all of these new phrases and a race to take credit for them. Which brings me to my excuse for not updating for a month. For the month of August, I decided to go on blogcation.

There it is, my addition to the English language. Samuel Johnson has got nothing on me.

Blogcation has probably already been used as a word before now, but with no listing in the two biggest vocabulary reference tools around (Webster's and Urban Dictionary), I will now take credit for the word. You see, after spending a year posting twice a week, I figured I was due for some relaxation. A nice little blogcation to regain my concentration and come up with future ideas. I feel I earned some relaxation time, even if that relaxation time consisted of having two jobs and taking up jogging.

This is how I picture myself as I jog.

I didn't want to cheat you, dear reader, by making you read the work of a burnt out misanthrope. So I took some time off. Now that I'm back at school, I have no excuse for not writing again. And after spending a month brainstorming ideas, I hope for a nice return to form in my blog writing. Having people read my work is its own reward.

That and the accumulation of page views.

So be on the lookout for new posts by me throughout the week. For any prospective guest bloggers, the invitation to write a post is still open to anyone interested. It's time to pick up right where we left off in our blogger/reader relationship. And I can't wait to continue that relationship. In case you feel I am missing a topic you would like to discuss, you can also suggest anything that you feel is worthy of comment. Remember, I'm not just here to rant, I'm here to be your guide to pop culture.

I'm like a cultural Sherpa.

So welcome back to me. Here's to what should be an awesome year.

Reruns: The ultimate test of a sitcom

Every season, networks trot out a whole new lineup of fall television shows in a desperate bid for viewer attention and, by extension, advertising dollars. Television is a massive money making business and syndication may just be the biggest part of that capitalistic pie. Syndication makes or breaks many television shows. It may even give them new life. Initial airings may decide the baseline popularity of a show, but it's reruns that make a show an institution.

Exhibit A: Seinfeld reruns being on eight different channels.

For the most part, syndication is both genius and lazy. Not only does it make people millions of dollars, but it also makes the program scheduler's job a little easier. Ask people my age what time they watch television and I guarantee that the answer is not 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. For people I know, the answer is normally 4 p.m. when they are suppose to be doing homework or 2 a.m. when they should be going to sleep. The prime time lineup, the cornerstone of programing, is lost on 18-22 year olds. We have been raised to turn to television in times of desperation and boredom, but it's not at the same time as everyone else. Even before digital cable and online streaming, reruns were one of the first steps in making television convenient.

Waiting for my laundry has more influence on when I watch television than anything else.

There is nothing to watch at two in the morning. Adult Swim's lineup is a godsend but at that time of night, even AS doesn't help anything. Around this time I like to check out the random channels and watch the Miracle Blade commercials, but there are only so many gem stones you can see on the Home Shopping Network before you go insane (sidebar: there is a channel devoted to traffic cameras. It's highly enthralling). But sometimes you get lucky, and a rerun of That '70s Show is on at an ungodly hour. There is probably no show that my generation identifies with more than That '70s Show. Think of it as our version of Happy Days (another show for adolescents about their parent's adolescence). Watching '70s Show has become a ritual but never when it was on FOX.

The immortal male question: Donna or Jackie?

Obviously '70s Show was popular enough to last eight seasons but it didn't truly become an institution until it started airing on cable. Whether FX knew it or not, they scheduled episodes around most the time my friends and I got out of class. So, resting our laurels, we would instinctively turn on the television and with nothing to watch we turned to what appealed to us: '70s Show. Or Scrubs. Or Law & Order SVU.

It all depends on the mood and how far the remote is.

Another program is on the rise in syndication. The show has finally given men a reason to watch Lifetime Channel (after they cancelled Supermarket Sweep, which I still mourn). In 2005 How I Met Your Mother premiered on CBS. While not an outright success like Two and a Half Men or Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother built a devoted but semi-modest fanbase. I only knew a handful of people from my high school that actually watched it. This is all pre-syndication. Now, the majority of my friends have been obsessing over the show (mostly because of Neil Patrick Harris' Barney, who is an awesome character). A year ago my sister couldn't force my brother to watch the show. After recently watching it in reruns, he has since rapidly inhaled the six past seasons.

I'm a Ted surrounded by would-be Barneys.

Every season, networks trot out a whole new lineup of fall television shows in a desperate bid for viewer attention and yet most of these shows fail. Few shows become popular enough for syndication (or they just get picked up for syndication because nobody hates it, a la King of Queens). But syndication can also breath new life into a show. Freaks and Geeks only lasted a season but now its few episodes live on immortally on cable. My personal favorite show, Arrested Development, can now be discovered by anyone that missed the genius the first time. And in the greatest success story in all of television, Family Guy was even saved from cancellation by reruns on Adult Swim. Whether you love the show or hate it (or let South Park tell you to hate it), it's undeniable how miraculous Family Guy's saving was.

It may be derivative but I enjoy the show.

Because of reruns, Family Guy went from Fox's sacrificial lamb (Fox bumped it around the schedule in its early history against Who Wants To Be A Millionaire during the game show's heyday). As a more personal success story, consider this. My one friend never watched a single episode of Friends until our sophomore year of college. After watching a rerun, we devoted spring semester to watching all 10 seasons of the show. That's 236 episodes of Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and Ross mainlined into our collective brains. And this was all because one of our friends caught a repeat.

Guest Blog: Glenn Beck's final episode

I asked for bloggers and now I have to own up to it. At least once a week I'll try and post a guest blog on top of my two. This week's blog comes from Frank, the first of my guest bloggers to return for another go. Any comments I make are in italics.

-Don Woods

I am an odd person. I will be the first person to admit this. One odd thing that I love to do is watch shows that I completely disagree with. It is one of my biggest guilty pleasures. I do not do this so that I can yell at the television (I leave that job to watching sports). Instead I like to just listen to different viewpoints and think to myself. One of my favorite shows to do this with just ended. On June 30 the Glenn Beck show aired its final episode on FOX News. I did not watch this show all the time, just every once in a blue moon. It was entertainment to me. Every time Beck said something crazy or acted out in ways only he could I was entertained. Beck was able to come up with ideas that would make me think. Not think that he was right in anyway, just make me think. Now, Beck isn’t falling off the face of the earth. Beck has left his show but will be still explaining his view points and trying too, “save the soul of the country” (his words not mine). He will be continuing his crusade on his new Beck TV online show. This will air every week day for two hours and can be watched by anyone … who pays a monthly or yearly fee. Since I will not be paying for this, because I do not care that much, I think I will list my favorite things about Beck, and wait patiently for him to say something controversial on his online show so that all other news organizations will talk about it. In honor of his 9/12 project I will list nine of them.

He's got the whole world, in his hands.

1. The Crying: Beck has shown over the years that he is a very emotional man. His crying has been one of the favorite trademarks of Beck. It seems to have gone on to be the popular thing to do if you are a conservative. Beck has cried many times on his show. He did not cry during his last episode (If you bet me that he wouldn’t you would have definitely walked away with some of my money) but throughout his show he has been known to shed a tear over his love of country.

Go to 2 min 22 sec to just see crying

2. The Chalk Board: This has been another trademark of Beck. In his last episode Beck brought to light a startling revelation. Beck was actually thinking of getting rid of the chalk board. Luckily for all of us casual viewers one of his camera men, Oscar, told him to keep it. Thank you Oscar. Oscar saved the best teaching tool that Beck had. With his chalk board Beck was able to warn his audience about the dangers of liberals, progressives and the dark arts. Actually defense against the dark arts is only taught in Hogwarts (they are also the only other place that still uses chalkboards). Now that Beck is moving to the internet maybe he will advance to a smart board.

I hate whiteboards. And having a whiteboard on your

dorm room door is only an excuse for people to creatively draw dicks.

3. Sarah Palin: Glenn Beck has never been shy about his love for Sarah Palin. As a casual viewer I can tell you this is because they have so much in common. Each has conservative values and a common home life. Both Beck and Palin have a child with Down Syndrome. This has brought Beck to celebrate and defend the often attacked Palin. Now this is not why I like the connection between Palin and Beck. The entire reason that this is the third favorite thing about Beck’s show is one interview that Beck did with Palin. It is possibly the greatest example of, “Hey that Palin person isn’t too smart is she”. It took Palin 22 second to answer George Washington to Beck’s question, “Whose your favorite founding father”. The 22 seconds was filled with Palin rambling and Beck saying, “Bull crap”. (fast forward to 4:33 to get the question)

Mama Grizzly herself.

4. His Shoes: The man wore sneakers with a suite. This is just humorous to me and was such a part of his oddness. That’s all I really have to say about that.

Sneakers help give him street-cred. It worked for Fred Rodgers.

5. Beck Being Beck. Glenn Beck is an interesting human being. Beck has created a persona that captivates people who love him and people who cannot stand him. He has the style of Andy Bernard (My brother came up with this and we both mean no disrespect to the Nard Dog) and the crazy host rants of Howard Beale. Beck is just an enigma. He believes there are evil progressives destroying the country and decides he will tell the world this through acting like a crazy radio host.

As a lover of the film Network, I despise all parallels to Beck and Peter Finch's character.

6. Obama is a Racist: One of my personal favorite moments happened when Beck was not on his own show. When Beck was on the Fox morning show, “FOX and Friends”, Beck came out and said that he thought President Obama was a racist. Beck said this while talking about the controversial idea Obama came up with to deal with the Henry Louis Gates arrest. He later backed tracked on the statement but it is still one of the best moments in Beck’s history at the station.

7. Magnets: Beck brought up how many magnets he has in his last episode. He stated that he actually had employees who just made magnets for him. The magnets were usually pictures of people or organizations. The people were Obama, Stalin, Mao, Hitler and anyone that had to be connected to evil or socialism. The signs were usually a swastika, a communist sickle, ACORN or unions. Having these magnets just seemed awkward to me. Did they have to go to a magnet store (or wherever one would go to buy large magnets of peoples faces) to get this done or did they just have a magnet maker in the studio? How awkward do you think it was for the individuals on magnet duty if they had to go to a magnet store? They had to get some odd looks. “You framed an Asia poster? How hard did the people at the frame store laugh when you brought this in?” The line from the “40 Year Old Virgin” was all I could think about when I saw his magnets.

Magnets, how do they work?

8. Glen Beck Satire: Poking fun at Glenn Beck has been one of my favorite parts of Beck being relevant. Everyone has done it. The Daily Show, The Colbert Report and Saturday Night Live have all taken turns making fun of Beck. The Daily Show has done an entire show in the Glenn Beck style. The Colbert Report decided to poke fun at one segment that Beck did called the War Room. This was where Beck created scenarios in the future that would be devastating to America. Colbert decided to do his own version called the Doom Bunker (Here is Beck’s and Colbert’s. I do not know which one is funnier). Saturday Night Live has had veteran funny man Jason Sudeikis impersonate Beck during their skits about Fox News. All of these have made me laugh. I thank Beck and these comedians for brightening my nights (or mornings when I watch them online).

His literature will live on.

9. Why New York is influenced by communism: This is by far my favorite conspiracy theory that Beck has ever had. An episode was spent on Beck explaining the communist influence on New York Cities’ architecture. He showed paintings and sculptures in many of the buildings at Rockefeller Center and showed how they are direct correlations to communist and progressive and their ideas. He was trying to show how right under the American people noses progressives were and are influencing our lives. He showed statues that represented communist ideals, mainly the hammer and sickle imagery, and paintings that have the faces of famous progressives and communist painted in them. When I saw this episode I thought, “Come one man”. I think this example best sum up the crazy conspiracy side of Beck. Conspiracy Beck is the best kind of Beck and is why he is one of my guilty pleasures.

-Frank Mahoney

First Signs one year anniversary

There is nothing more precious than your child's first birthday. You spend the whole first year worrying if they will even make it to the ripe old age of one. Now, while my blog is not even comparable to a child, the rule applies. There is a certain sense of validation after being around for a year (yes, validation). It has been a trying year, but I'm happy to see I actually made it this far and stuck with it.

Unlike my promise to jump rope regularly.

One year ago today I first sat down and went to work on this blog. The main motivation, admittingly, was boredom. Pop culture was the only thing I could really talk about with any conviction, so the topic decision was easy. To be honest though, I wasn't sure if I had it in me to keep going for a year. I started this blog wanting to say something new, but I was happy with saying something at least worthwhile. What I settled on, for the most part, was saying anything at all. Reading my past postings, I can't say I liked all of them. I do like a good amount of them though. I'm even proud to of written a few of them.

What I don't regret are my two panda posts.

A strange thing happened as the first months rolled by. People actually started reading my stuff. Not just glancing either but people were actually interested in what I had to say. It felt pretty good. In a years time I've accumulated, at the time of my writing, 19,587. I feel like that's a number to be proud of for someone that is just doing this for giggles. It makes me happy that I took two days out of my week to write a quick post (even if it meant writing two posts on Sunday). My friends even became familiar with my complaints about it being blog day (then again, I complain a lot anyway). Either way, all the Facebook clicks and Google hits have meant a lot. Even if it's someone that's just looking for a picture of Chicago Hope.

You would be surprised how many people Googled Chicago Hope pictures.

A year is slowly becoming less and less of a milestone. Getting older means time goes by faster. And time going by faster is a pain in the ass. A year ago I was different. In the time since I started writing this blog, I became of age to drink legally (and I admit to making home in a few bars), I'm now going into my senior year of college and I've even become an uncle.

This was also the year I watched the Wire.

I'd like to thank you, dear reader, for sticking with me and reading what I have to say. I hope my writing has gotten better since I began. If it hasn't, then I hope it gets better by next year. I want to thank my friends who regularly read this, my family who put up with me and anybody else that may stumble upon my meager blog. I enjoyed writing on here for a year, and I will continue to write. So once again, thank you dear reader.

Yo.