High Definition is ruining entertainment

Movie making has always been an illusion. We sit in our seats and watch the lives of people that don't exist, played by people that we know are faking it and doing things that nobody is stupid enough to do (i.e. go into a dark room when a killer is on the loose). The line between this immersion and reality has always been blurry. We realize that there is no such thing as Star Wars, but we still go along for the ride. That line is being destroyed though. That blurry line is now in focus, thanks to new higher definition pictures, and it's taking the magic out of entertainment.

I'm sorry, I meant illusion.

I figured I'd take the easy route for this argument and talk about the silver screen days of Hollywood. Those movies weren't polished, they were lucky if they had color. They were still some of the greatest movies of all time though. The people that complained about the picture quality were just shallow. One could make the argument that HD is just a new wave of innovation, similar to sound and color. However, while sound allowed for an extension in story telling ability, HD adds nothing of merit. It was about the production, not the camera. Charlie Chaplin's movies are fading away on film but they are just as funny now as when they were first made.

Hilarious.

And all those good movies made during the 70s? The auteur didn't worry so much about the film quality as much as they cared about what would be seen on screen. I support remastering restoration as much as the next person in order to make the picture clearer on old films, but the length some go to make the picture look real is counterproductive. To use a lame example: records are not nearly as clear as compact discs yet many audiophobes and snobs prefer them over cds.

It's a very shallow person who cares more about the picture quality than what's in the picture. All these new HD channels and DVDs seem like nothing more than gimmicks to make you spend more money. Watching these cleaned up pictures is odd though. The picture is so good that you can tell it's fake. With the image so clear it's not so much that the camera is an eye for the false world being credited, so much as it's an eye of a person on set watching the production. You no longer believe that the castaways on Lost are really on an island, all you can think about is how island like their set is.

I already forget the ending. Did they turn out to be on an island at all?

Watching TNT in HD, even a movie with such high production values as The Dark Knight looks fake with the high end visuals. It just completely ruins the immersion and I can't get past it. Maybe some people made the same gripes when DVD liberated viewers from VCR tracking lines but I doubt the tracking lines were as distracting as a distractingly clear picture. HD isn't making the production seem realer, all it's doing is showing the man behind the curtain.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...

I'm no pop culture Luddite. I understand the importance of progress and invention. HD does have a place, but only for real life products. Sports in HD allows you to have that courtside seat without having to sit next to Jack Nicholson. Watching Food Network in HD allows you to watch Iron Chef with greater appreciate of the gourmet. I have never been one to care about the red carpet, but all those E! fans can watch pimply movie stars the red carpet in HD and feel better about themselves.

I never want to share a room with Mario Batali and his matching ginger Crocs.

There is one experience I can thank HD for. Plant Earth, the BBC/Discovery Channel miniseries has to be one of the greatest things ever played on my friends television. I rarely use this word, but it really is beautiful and having it in HD only makes a person appreciate the majesty more. For every cute animal you become attached to and for every alligator that will later eat that cute animal, you can now watch it in glorious HD while David Attenborough narrates it with his heavenly voice. So I am thankful for the technology. I just wish that they used it right instead of abusing it. I am not against the technology, just against some of its implementation.

Watching Plant Earth on Blu-ray saves a real trip to Victoria Falls.

How to properly watch a DVD

There is no greater way to pass the time than watching movies. In that two hour span you can be taken to another world, taught something about humanity or given a chance to laugh. Those that know me personally are aware of my love of film and my habit of pushing certain films on other people. If you are a friend of mine than I have probably lent you a DVD at some point and bugged you to no end until you watched it. This has not always paid off because of people's irresponsibility with other people's things (I've had to replace my copy of Donnie Darko three different times). I love watching movies though and I love sharing that experience with other people. In order to fully enjoy your own movie experience in the way that I myself am accustomed to; I offer these rules for optimal enjoyment.

- Subtitles are key
Call me weird but I enjoy watching everything I can with subtitles or closed captioning. Even my television has closed captioning on most of the time. While I am slightly hard of hearing, my hearing is not bad enough to constantly require the words on the bottom of the screen. I find that reading the dialogue on the screen allows me to ingest it better. I have a better understanding of what is being said and better comprehension in what is going on. Also some films include scenes where characters are speaking so low that it is necessary. Also when an actor ends up using an accent that is not their own it sometimes makes it incomprehensible.

Brad Pitt in Snatch is a good example of this. Although to be fair he is suppose to be incomprehensible, kind of like Chewbacca (imagine a subtitle option that allows you to understand what Chewie is saying. That would be amazing).

People complain whenever I put subtitles on because they find it distracting but once you get use to them they are a godsend. Don't focus on the subtitles completely if you find yourself paying too much attention to the words and not the images on the screen. Not having ADD helps.

This rule is also a no brainer for foreign films. Dubbed versions of films are always horrible and never give you the full experience. Why watch a group of actors if you don't want to hear them act? Watching the film should in no way spoil the director's vision. Also when you are engrossed in the film enough, you actually end up reading the subtitles in the original actor's voice. When you watch 8 1/2 enough reading the English on the bottom of the screen sounds like it's Marcello Mastroianni's voice instead of your own inner voice. Whatever language barrier that occurs while watching and enjoying a foreign film is evaporated after half an hour.

-Use the original aspect ratio
Never buy DVDs with the word "fullscreen" at the top. There is no reason to ever buy a film in fullscreen. What fullscreen does is robs you of the original dimensions of the movie. In making it fullscreen, parts of the image are chopped off in order to fit into the dimensions. This compromises the director's vision of the film, which breaks a cardinal rule in film watching. I specify to keep the original aspect ratio because some films are already shot in fullscreen, so it all depends on what it was originally shot in. For a better explanation of the importance of widescreen please watch the video below.

-Don't ask questions.
A good film forces the audience to ask questions and have a dialogue about it after we are done watching it. The important part of this rule is the fact that these questions should come after the movie. Too many times have I had friends asking me about a plot point, only for the answer to reveal itself in the next scene. My usual answer to these questions is to tell them to "Watch the damn movie." If you have something to ask then wait, the movie will probably address this question later on. No movie has ever been made for the sole purpose of confusing it's audience.

The only exception to this rule being Eraserhead.

- Don't do anything to take people out of the movie.
Don't constantly talk, text, go to the bathroom or pause the movie. A big part of film watching is the immersion and if that is broken too much than the film will not be as enjoyable. Even if you don't like the film or are bored please refrain from making stupid comments. It doesn't make you sound smarter or funnier (unless you're a writer on Mystery Science Theater 3000).

-Buy Criterion Collection DVDs whenever you can
Some films are exceptional enough to have their DVD made buy the Criterion Collection. These products are the knighthood of home viewing. When you have a DVD made by them you know you have something special. This company respects the filmmakers and in no way compromises their vision. Their clean up and restorations are the best in the business. The aspect ratio is always right and the special features are premium. Although usually more expensive than other DVDs, Criterion Collection is still worth it. You'll be doing yourself a favor buy buying from this company

I'm betting their tote bags are also well made.