It's not a toy, it's a jagged piece of metal.
There is one constant though. One toy always performed just how it was advertised and did it splendidly. It is the Weeble. You see kids, Weebles wobble but they don't fall down. Trust me I've tried, but that Weeble just kept on wobbling like a champ. It was something you can depend on.
Weebles have been playroom staples since they were introduced in the 70s. They didn't have to be hip or try. They were Weebles damnit. That's what I thought anyway. It was a few months ago and I was watching Cartoon Network (they have some good shows i.e. Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack, Chowder, and Adventure Time). It was the usual unassuming commercials. The kind they usually play on kids shows or Saturday mornings (One Saturday Morning was the best. Sidenote: You ever notice Disney Channel doesn't have any actual commercials?). McDonalds commercials, Nerf guns, and the usual suspects. Then I heard it, the Weeble jingle we've all grown up with. It was different though. It was in autotune.
Why on God's beautiful green Earth did they feel the need to update the Weebles jingle? And worse yet, they tried to make it hip. They tried to make it hip with the biggest plague on music since white people started rapping. Whichever marketing guy came up with this should be slaughtered. Kids don't care if it's autotuned, they just want to play with a toy that will never tip over. But marketing people don't care about that. All they care about is murdering tradition. It saddens me. Oh well, I guess I shouldn't be too mad. To be honest, I didn't really grow up with Weebles that much, I only had two of them. What I had growing up was a bitchin' pirate ship and castle playset.