Saturday, December 11, 2010

Popcorn tins: The best gift money can buy

I don't know how it came about. I don't know what tradition it stemmed from. I don't even know the original point. What does matter is the fact that popcorn tins are the best freakin present you can get someone on the fly. Picture it: you're at Rite Aid on Christmas Eve. You need to find a gift for your nephew and you don't love him enough to of gotten something earlier. The toys at drugstores are cheap and lame and you already bought him a Chia Pet last year. You have no idea what he likes or what to get him and you're running out of time.

If someone ever bought you a Chia Pet they do not love you.

Then you spot it. It's everything you'll ever want. It's everything you'll ever need. In short, it's glorious. A whole wall of popcorn tins. Stacked perfectly, waiting to be plucked. Each packed, brimming with maize. Separated into three different flavors. The staple, buttered popcorn which everyone loves. The adventurous and bad for your teeth caramel popcorn, that's the bane of dentist everywhere. And finally cheese, which tastes halfway decent. And the best part yet, there's all kinds of different designs on the outside. Send that kid a Spongebob tin. Kids love Spongebob tins. They'll appreciate it a hell of a lot more than the Hickory Farms Gift Box Sampler.

To be fair, those strawberry candies are awesome.

The fun never stops with popcorn tins. In the beginning you have more popcorn than you know what to do with. You feel like you'll have enough till rapture, with your never-ending tin. With the separators you're allowed to pick which flavor you want. Only having to deal with cheese when you see how much you've been disregarding it. Which isn't fair because there's always more cheese than caramel corn. Then as you realize the finite tin space you can take out the separator, mixing the flavors into interesting combination. That kid has something to snack on for the next month thanks to you. Now he won't go hungry when his mother refuses to make dinner because his father doesn't appreciate her enough.

Or sustenance for when he neglectfully gets left alone for Christmas.

The fun doesn't stop either. After the popcorn is finished with you have the tin to do with as you wish. Need a wastepaper basket? Done. Need to store something away? Done. Need a place to put your LEGOs so you don't step on them at night and hurt yourself? Done. With one simple last minute gift purchase you'll change that kid's life for the better. It's cheap too. Doesn't that make you feel better about yourself when you do your last minute shopping at Rite Aid?

Rite Aid: Responsible for crappy gifts since 1968.

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