Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Royal Wedding and Thoughts on a nice day

This Friday, the world will watch as Prince William and Kate Middleton marry at Westminster Abbey. Do I particularly care about this bit of new? Not really. But considering the fact that these weddings only happen once or so a generation, a lot of people are sufficiently excited about the occasion. So throw the rice and wear your Will and Kate masks in celebration (to be honest I have no idea how you celebrate a royal wedding).

Young love...

April 29, 2011 is now wedding day. Between the royal wedding and every other wedding in the world piggybacking off of it, churches all over will be packed with relatives that hate each other and watch people go down the aisle. They will be at a wedding or in their underwear, watching the modern day aristocracy on television (which, to be honest, the aristocracy doesn't mean anything anymore). But like I said, I don't really care about it. My whole schedule revolves around not waking up early on Friday. So I'm defiantly not waking up at 6 a.m. tomorrow. The way I see it, we already fought a war so we don't have to care about British royalty anymore. So I'll honor that.

I think the war was about that and tea.

The only thing left to care about the royal family after the wedding is betting on which actor will portray them in future Academy Award winning movies (royalty has long been guaranteed Oscar bait). Hell, Lifetime already made their movie about Kate and William (titled Kate & William). With all the wedding ring replicas and official merchandise, this is more than just a wedding. This is a cash-cow extravaganza. During all of this I just feel bad for Prince Harry. Once again, William overshadows the red-headed bastard. Harry even looks like the kid from Problem Child. To regain attention I'll guess he has to dress up like a Nazi again.


So, like I stated, I don't really care either way about the wedding. So, to fill space and make sure that you feel properly rewarded for clicking and reading this: here are some random thoughts I had on a sunny day a few days ago. I don't feel like putting it in paragraph form so here are just the random thoughts plopped out on the page.

-I hate wearing shorts but my legs feel so free.
-It's the one day a year that all the sports equipment you brought to school pays off.
-The campus actually looks like a real college on nice days.
-Sweaty camel toes aren't attractive (a friend actually mentioned that to me).
-Co-eds sharing blankets on the grass reminds me of nature shows where you watch sea lions sharing a rock.

Kind of like this but with sports bras.

-Although shorts feel nice, my legs are too pale to wear them.
-A lot of people own sandals, not everyone should be wearing them though (i.e. ugly toenails).
-The simplicity of sandals are lost on most girls, whose footwear has more buckles than Batman.
-Short shorts rock (note: this is only true when girls wear them).
-One tool will have a Frisbee and he will want to play with you. He might still be wearing his wool beanie when he asks you to play.
-Thanks to the sun I cannot look at my screen to read my text messages
-Girls wear sandals to show off their super-cool foot tattoos before they get older and regret them.
-There is no way I will ever need all these cargo-short pockets.
-Outside freshman dorms on a nice day are a pedophile's Valhalla.

Pictured: Valhalla (only the one I'm talking about has more half-naked freshman girls)

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